Guitar Hero Sucks

Posted: April 23, 2007 in Games, Humor, opinion, personal

I played Guitar Hero yesterday for the first and last time. I was really excited about playing it based off all the review’s that scream how awesome it is. It took me a whole minute to realize that this game sucks. It is simply Dance, Dance Revolution for your fingers. There is really nothing all that great about mashing buttons with your hand to a fake crowd screaming for your fake guitar skills.

Now I know that some of you might say that I didn’t give it enough time to grow on me or that I just suck. The answer to both of those is no, so you can go back to living at home with your mom. Just a suggestion.

My problem is that it is just button mashing, and at the end of the day you don’t know how to play a guitar. I am sure that girls think that bragging about how awesome you are at the game is a lot cooler then shredding on a real guitar. Who needs real skills anyway?

There is only one thing that could make Guitar Hero cool, and it is pictured below. Nothing but the Chuck can save this game, and only if he kills people with the guitar.

Guitar Hero, Chuck Style

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Comments
  1. mark says:

    your a fucking moron, this game is sweet!

    • The Boss says:

      If you are going to call me a moron, then please make sure you know the difference between your and you’re. I’ll let your English teacher tell you how you’re wrong.

    • Brendon says:

      Guitar hero is a multi million dallar piece of shit. nothing on it is remotely similar to real guitar. I’ve played “Guitar hero” ….. I’ve played for days, and the one conclusion that I’ve come to realize is that this game is just a bad substute for the real thing! I Hate It! Bad line ups over advertised crap is what this world of guitar hero provides for us. It ruins music. The notes and voices dont even line up with the real songs
      this stupid game may have ruined slayer for me for ever. This game can rot in HELL!

    • Andres says:

      Hmm, yes, if you have suffered severe brain trauma.

  2. Corey says:

    Your a fag guitar hero is the best game in the world. You just suck balls

    • The Boss says:

      Your logic is so profound that I will never be able to respond. Wait, yes I can. You eat poo.

    • Brendon says:

      All you GUITAR QUEEROS can rot. Bunch of punk kids who no longer distinguish the good music from the bad have really put a cramp on the musical Evolution…….. Heres a tip… GO PLAY A REAL GUITAR!

  3. Jonathan says:

    What kind of cynical jackass do you have to be to pick up a plastic guitar and play a rhythm based game, and bitch about how unrealistic it is? It’s a videogame. It’s meant to entertain you. It specifically isn’t meant to teach you guitar, or get you laid…so get over it. By your whiney logic FPS aren’t realistic enough because you don’t use a real gun. Seriously…lose the over-analytical pseudo PMS and take stuff for what it is…or, continue to be disappointed and bitchy.

    • The Boss says:

      I didn’t mean to insult your way of getting women. I will leave you alone from now on.

    • Brendon says:

      Its a sheer waste of time, why would you even try to play music that doesnt line up with the real thing…. real or not, guitar hero still sucks i mean come on, its not even fun to play

  4. drew says:

    Yeah man. I mean what the hell. They could have at least made the finger positions real. This would have given everyone that spends 20 hours a week playing something back for the hours of their life they wasted. Dare I say it could have been a game that really wasn’t a pure waste of time???

  5. tina says:

    i aggree 110% with ya

  6. wez says:

    dude have u even played a real guitar?
    well u knw the button mashin thing yeah u kinda do that on a real guitar 2 accept a little more complecated, so really this game is the closest thing to playin a real guitar, so i think u need to give it another try, but really i think u just sucked that badly that u needed an excuse to realse ur anger cus ur that crap at the game

    • The Boss says:

      I am sure that Bo Diddley would say the same thing.

    • twisted255 says:

      “Button mashing on a real guitar accept a little more complicated”

      U sir are a retard. U can’t even spell accepted correctly.Real guitar requires hand eye cooridnation, if not only coordination alone to play guitar well. You “mash” the strings, yes, but when you mash with precision and accuracy then it’s no longer mashing retard. This game sucks btw.

    • Brendon says:

      Guitar hero doesnt teach a god damn thing about playing real guitar so wtf are you talking about?

  7. Izzy Sparks says:

    Your wrong, Fact! Ps: Chuck Sucks

  8. bob says:

    i hate your face
    you are a pathetic pee drinking crap face
    guitar hero is the best game ever key word GAME and if you dont like GH than you dont deserve to live
    ASS CLOWN

    • The Boss says:

      Bob, you are so awesome in all of your awesomeness that I will never be as awesome as you. I will just have to keep drinking pee.

    • x says:

      You’ve been caught ripping lines from The Sandlot. You talk as if he takes the game too literally by emphasizing that it is a “key word GAME” then cancel yourself out by saying he doesn’t deserve to live by not liking the “GAME”

      You’re a dumbass

      PS: Guitar Hero is rhythmically inacurate-fact

      • The Boss says:

        I rip lines from the Sandlot? Who the hell rips lines from the Sandlot. Anyone who wants to be a can’t-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama’s bra, raise your hand.

    • Brendon says:

      What the hell does deserving to live have to do with guitar hero? You clown, nobody wants to listen to you……. Go away

  9. Megalodon says:

    wellsaid

  10. Someguy says:

    I agree, Guitar hero sucks.

    The lamest thing I’ve heard about Guitar hero is locally, a concert was held here where everyone but one guy played a real instrument on stage. Some idiot decided to play his Guitar Hero Guitar on Stage with his band. Of course every idiot was like “ZOMG HOT” all over it except me who thought the guy was an idiot who has no skill to play a real guitar.

    But yeah, Guitar Hero blows.

  11. Jorell, Master Of Scheduling says:

    Yeah, Guitar Hero ain’t great. It’s a laugh though, and much harder to play when drunk than a real guitar. Make of that what you will.

    I think everything you need to know is covered in the South Park satire, ep 11-13 “Guitar Queer-O”. If you can beat every song on Expert, you’re sadder than all those bedroom shredders who can play Van Halens back catalogue note-for-note. Much sadder, and bedroom shredders are sad to begin with.

  12. Target says:

    omg. i love how you put that. i have the same damn problem with people. this generation is becoming a load of retards. it’s true; i can push four buttons in a pattern! the correct thing to say is: i can play a real guitar. its better. people even say that they play the game for the music. i don’t know about you, but thats why i bought an mp3 player. also it would be better to play your favorite songs in a band, or even your own songs in a band, then to pretend that you can. i just dont get people. pretending to kill someone with a standard controller is fun because you can’t do it in real life. but you can play a guitar in real life. and that excitement because GH involves timing, so do puzzle games, and, oh yeah, playing a song on a real guitar. its for people with no talent.

  13. Cuindless says:

    “I am sure that girls think that bragging about how awesome you are at the game is a lot cooler then shredding on a real guitar.”

    I hope you’re being sarcastic. I don’t think anyone is at all impressed by Guitar Hero “skills”. Essentially playing Simon with a guitar shaped controller isn’t impressive in any way.

  14. chuck norris sucks balls!.. hahahaha

  15. Yipyop says:

    […] many people are down on Guitar Hero for discouraging kids from learning to play a real guitar. Why not hack the […]

  16. Brian Real says:

    Thank you for this post. I can’t tell you how much I hate this game and Rock Band. Most people are afraid to say this game is ultra-lame because the consensus is it’s awesome. It is one of the most boring and uninteresting rhythm games I have every played. At least DDR gets fat kids to do some exercise, this does nothing.

    As far as rhythm games go I probably only enjoyed the Parappa and Un Jammer series on the PS1/2 because they were quirky and had entertaining stories with unique animations.

    If I want to memorize button combination I think I’ll stick with the classic SIMON electronic disc since that actually helps improve memory skills.

  17. mr.pep says:

    i couldnt agree with you more quitar hero really does suck, i remember telling that to a friend who is addicted to it an he said to me that if i dont like this then i dont like any other game peroid. wait there was a reason for this i told him that i saw no point in button mashing he replied ‘well thats all you do on any game’ i saw no point in trying to explain why he was wrong because his brain is too small to understand.

  18. mr.pep says:

    o btw i dont think that even chuck has the power to make this a good game

  19. Guitar hero sucks says:

    I totally agree with The Boss. I have a real guitar, and it’s so fun to play Pantera or Metallica with it. I played guitar hero and it was really boring. Just smash buttons.

  20. SevSev says:

    Yeah… can’t tell you how frustrating it is that my friends still play it, nearly two years on, and STILL find it fun (I gave up on it after just over a month)

    It’s not like it’s a dynamic game which warrants replaying, if you’ve got a good enough memory you wouldn’t even need to look at the screen to play, plus I got very, very bored of the same songs over and over and over and over and over…… ad infinitum

    Which in fact is the single WORST thing about it, it has ruined the purity of many a classic song – to the extent that I have seen my friends sacriligeously playing air guitar hero to these song, you can never listen to a song with same adoration, after you’ve had to sit through it 5 times a night for weeks on end under duress.

    Summarising, I used to find the game playable (though I have come to loathe, and detest it severely) but I would suggest that a single playthrough would provide the maximum endurable exposure.

  21. Nightcrawler says:

    I agree with you 1000%. I cannot believe my friends like this shit, it’s fucking horrible. Most teenagers these days wouldn’t know a good game if it bit them in the ass. If anyone thinks this is the best game ever then they obviously have never played a real game.

  22. Nothing special. says:

    There ”The boss”

    I see you made a point. a good and strong point about how you feel about Guitar hero and any alike. But I kinda felt strange when you came up with Chuck Norris saving the game…… I also think you where pretty upset when you wrote this, but lets not talk about that.

    Anyway, I want to make clear I admire real guitar players thousands time more then Guitar hero players, that’s my point.

    Now coming up for red Octane, and Harmonix if you want to. As a commenter already said: ”It is meant to Entertain you”. Entertaining and money, that’s the world of guitar hero andRrockband. Now keep the money away and focus on the ”entertaining part”. Already said it is never meant to teach you guitar. People do enjoy getting cheered by a fake crowd. Who doesn’t love to get cheered be a crowd? (I’m not saying I’m enjoying a fake crowd cheering to me.) You are complaining about this part and the women part. I never heard guys getting ladies by getting a good score.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this.

    PS: I don’t get the ladies be getting a good score on Guitar hero or Rockband. I don’t get the ladies by the web. So please leave those replies behind.

  23. Hebimaru says:

    believe that you are absolutely correct The Boss, many people don’t realize that it really takes an ounce of thought to come up with a button pushing rhythm based game, the fact that it has rock songs doesn’t actually change anything, and the guitar shaped controller is actually more of an insult. The situation gets more depressing as we look back at the moment guitar hero arrived, everyone in the nation was stoked on rap and hip hop, mostly listening to “Daddy Yankee”, but commercialism changed the course of their thought completely, I myself have first-hand experience with this situation, for a friend of mine was actually a proclaimed rapper until the game came out, God knows his ignorance would not help from understanding the difference between The Police and AC/DC and that the pitiful teen actually called himself a rocker. In my overall opinion Guitar Hero has done nothing more but harass the beloved rock culture of the early 80’s throughout the 90’s; it is sick and evil, but all of those who like to play a plastic “guitar” and pretend to know what they are doing by all means go ahead and make yourselves look ridiculous.

  24. Jack says:

    Why is it always the most cynical people writing blogs? Why can’t someone without a chemical imbalance in their brain write a blog about something like Guitar Hero. It’s not a ‘guitar game’, it’s a rhythm game, therefore judging it based on its relation to an instrument is ignorant.
    The game has boosted music sales for many artists included in the franchises, has inspired many to learn the real instruments and has seen old music genres becoming popular again (such as rock and roll, and heavy metal)
    So before you run your mouth because you suck at the game, or just don’t have the capacity to enjoy life, and would rather respond to my comment by saying something along the lines of “I’ll just keep drinking pee” take this comment as a wake up call to your societal-dodging cynicism, stop hiding behind your keyboard writing a blog 20 people will read and start enjoying your life.

    • The Boss says:

      Jack, pushing buttons is not life. Making stacks is life. When you climb out of the closet you will see this. Also, check my page views. Little more than 20 people.

  25. Pedro Amaral says:

    I’m so glad I finally found someone that agrees with me about this stupid game! I play guitar (the real one) for 7 years but everyone thinks that the dorks that play GH are the best!

    What’s the fun of getting stuck to a plastic mini guitar for hours clicking buttons to see a simple animation and a fake crowd? I couldn’t agree anymore with you!

    Cheers,

    Pedro Amaral

  26. John Doe says:

    Agreed. Guitar hero never got my attention; Its for a generation of apathetic retards. Its a fucking goldmine for corporate labels to advertise their shit music picked out so that fat spoiled 12 year olds can feel like rockstars.

    I also hate how people refer songs from guitar hero. “MAN… I know that song! isn’t it on guitar hero 2???”

  27. Zosorunes91 says:

    Guitar hero does indeed suck

  28. DB says:

    You’ve inspired me, my friend. Great artwork!

  29. Andy says:

    I agree. My brother bought the Metallica version for wii. I know how to play most of the songs note for note on guitar; however that knowledge only got in the way of playing the game. Also, the game can’t even get timing and syncopation right. The timing of the game is mostly out, so if you actually listen to the music, it will put you off. You need to rely on your eyes. Basically, this game UN-TRAINS musicians. To all of you who will say differently, haven’t you noticed that your button mashing is not in time with the music!!! Especially the drums!!

  30. asdf says:

    Yeah pretty lame game even for a rhythm game.

  31. mr.long says:

    I agree guitar hero is a horrible game.

    It shocks me to see what kind of deprived activities (button mashing..) people will waste time with.

    Oh and I do love DDR, but that’s good exercise and build balance. Guitar hero develops your button mashing skills :\

    FUCK GUITAR HERO AND IT’S FANS

  32. somebody says:

    you are so right my friend, i agree 100% with you…all these losers just play this silly game for fun while not expanding their ideas and thoughts about more important things in life…
    and for you guitar hero fans that think its just about the same thing…IT’S NOT!!!
    you think you rock at a song?… try learning that same song on a real guitar…then your fingers will get loose…also with a real guitar you can entertaine your self and other people…unlike guitar hero that can only entertaine youself…

    my opinion has been said…

  33. Andres says:

    I agree that this game is repetitive and boring, though when it came out it inspired me to take up playing the actual guitar as a sort of retaliation. I hope that some of the game’s players were similarly inspired.

    More distressing to me is the effect that the digital age seems to be having on people’s spelling and grammar. Wow…

  34. Andres says:

    Also, I recall the recent Beatles Guitar Hero (or Rock Band, I forget which) ad campaign, featuring what was evidently a zombie George Harrison checking out the sweet plastic Gretsch (or Gibson, I forget which). I threw up a bit in my mouth.

  35. Daniel says:

    I do agree! i think you just waste your time and money playing these games when you could be playing a real instrument. If the guitar, bass guitar or drums had all the characteristics of a real one, then the game would be an excellent tool for pulling songs off, but extremely difficult to play. As it aims at entertaining it has to be a sellable PRODUCT and easier to play than a real guitar, bass guitar or set of drums. Some empty heads and influenciable minds love this game: what I call the passive generation. This generation sucks hard!

  36. hugh says:

    guitar hero is soo bad, let me rephrase that, guitar qweero is.. do i have to say any more?

  37. Lone Wolf says:

    guitar hero sucks. those little fags should stop playing that game and play real guitar and if they fail they can just live with their parents until they die (the parents, of course).

    GET SOME PENIS!!!
    bitches.

  38. Scotty says:

    I use to like playing guitar hero, but now I play rock band.
    Before you label me a fag, I do play a real guitar and I’m getting my money together to get a drum kit.

  39. Voodoo Smile says:

    Well said. In the end it all goes back to Simon or whatever that mid-80’s game was called, where there were 4 buttons that lighted up on a sequence, and you had to repeat that sequence afterwards. Only it’s in realtime now and packed up in a guitar shape.

  40. Voodoo Smile says:

    Oh wow, I just read through some comments and the game was actually called Simon and some other people mentioned it. Yay 🙂

  41. steel says:

    I played a bit and I disliked it but more for the song list .About the gameplay ,you know is like sing in karaoke for example, most ppl suck at singin but its an entertainment,played Rock Band series instead , you may say its the same shit but at least song list is better and It was fun because I played songs that actually I like and know, like Queen, Iron Maiden ,ACDC ,Judas Priest,Etc., sometimes I play Rock Band instead to play music in a stereo just for the songs. I want to say that the song library for Rock Band Series is by far larger and better than GH.

    BTW I agree that guitar hero series sucks but just because Chuck is not in the game.
    I must admit that if someone records me on video maybe I would feel as a dumb watching myself playing with fake instruments and a fake crowd lol.
    Peace.

  42. Loren Dircks says:

    I am a guitar player and songwriter who has recently come under HEAVY FIRE from the gaming community on you tube for a music video that takes a few playful jabs at Guitar Hero. I don’t really care about the game but I think we have sold our cool down the river with Karaoke, American Idol, and now Guitar Hero. They completely missed the real meaning of the song and took it as a personal attack. Check out the video here and let me know your thoughts.

    Thanks, Loren Dircks

  43. Seth Sidley says:

    Oh my God, I wanna break your face! Are you kidding? Did you really expect GH to be a tutorial on actual guitar? It’s one of the most addicting games out there. The variety of songs, Johnny Cash to Megadeath, Bon Jovi to Nirvana. It’s not supposed to be realistic, but it is kinda close. I’ve played bass before, and it’s almost the same thing. You have to mash and strum at a cue point, to make the song go along and so you don’t screw it up. Why don’t you see this?
    I am also not a sad person, and as you act like it’s a chick magnet, I don’t play it for chicks, I play it for fun. I got GH5 for Christmas, and it’s been one hell of a ride ever since then.

    • The Boss says:

      Seth, we all know you don’t play for chicks. You are to ugly for that. I am sorry but I will have to pass on you smashing my face. The women of the world would hunt you down for destroying such a thing of awesome and fearful beauty.

      P.S. Tell your mom I said hi.

  44. RaiDo says:

    Agreed. I prefer to play a real guitar or any instrument, than this fuckin game.

  45. Hayden says:

    The majority of Guitar hero fans are dumbass mullets with black T-shirts that think they are a force to be reckoned with because their loud music gives them adrenaline. I dislike alot of that 80’s glam rock featured, but there are other bands that i’d rather didn’t get exposed to such fools. Nirvana for example, the guys still around hate the idea their music is presented in such a commercial way, and Kurt Cobain would be sickened. just listen to ‘In Bloom’, “he’s the one who likes all our pretty songs, and he likes to sing along, and he likes to shoot his gun, but he dont know what it means.. ” basically it’s suggesting idiot rednecks like the rockin edge to the music but dont know jack shit about it. they’d much rather fans who relate to the music for what it’s really about. And idiots once more are finding Nirvana through such douchebag games.

    As the others say, it’s dance revolution for the fingers. simply replacing dance with Guitar and revolution with Hero, doesn’t make it any cooler (though “guitar hero” sounds pretty lame anyway.) what i’m getting at is, you’re no rocker if you’re good at it. no muso just because you like the tracks, and not cool if you choose to live a fantasy where you see some dumb lookin pixel man in a trashy concert playin a handful of songs when you could be out there finding a real instrument. sure, it’s entertainment. so is throwin’ rocks at birds, and pushing cows over.. but get good at them and you’re just a professional asshole.

  46. marshmellow says:

    man im new here and i have been looking for a site that bashes the shit outta this gay game. i used to play it and i thought i was cool. but then i realized i looked like a shit face playing a plastic little guitar with five buttons. im so glad that i picked up a real fuckin shred machine. now i can play music from bach to zeppelin to metallica and all over except for malmsteen cuz my brain might explode. thank you guitar hero haters. we need more people to see past this game as a plot to rip money and potential talent from the hands of children,as well as an insult to the rock artists whose songs are on said game.

  47. the big guy says:

    i agree with the boss
    to 100 percent
    guitarr hero sucks

  48. Angry REAL guitarist says:

    man you are so right, you cant even google guitar (on pictures) anymore cus more than half of them is guitar hero guitars..man, fuck off plastic piece of shit!! you just look like a faggot when playing that game!!

  49. Remi says:

    well if you wanna learn to play a real guitar, shell out hundreds of dollars for lessons, and a few hundred for a decent guitar, instead of buyin guitar hero games and bitchin about how crappy they r dumb ass! I swear some people just live to bitch, lmao

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