Archive for the ‘Old People’ Category

I was driving to work today enjoying my QT doughnut and coffee when all of a sudden the ass-clown driving the car in front of me slammed on their breaks.  Since I have the reflexes of a Jedi I didn’t spill or drop anything, but I did become overwhelmed by a Hulk-like rage.  I decided to do the mature thing, so I passed them screaming and cursing while flicking them the bird only to find out that it was one of the most dangerous people to have behind a wheel: the elderly.

I hate old people that drive especially the really old drivers.  I hate their giant sunglasses, huge cars, and general disregard for safety and the speed limit.  I generally don’t have a lot of road rage, but you get me behind a 70 year old doing 25 in a 45, and I will lose my f-ing mind.  It is at those moments in time that I begin to have fantasies about mounting machine guns to the hood of my car, and I promise that I don’t really want to shoot at other cars with said machine guns (yes I do).  All of these dark fantasies could be stopped by having old people removed from the roads.

Why is it that I got my license 14 years ago, and not once have I ever had to retest?  What other operated vehicle on Earth is not backed by a program that requires constant testing and retesting?  I can’t buy alcohol on Sunday in my state, but if I fought in the Civil War I can still drive my car without anyone batting an eye.  Get drunk on Sunday: Hell No!  Drive as crazy as I want: Hell Yes!

Now I don’t hate old people in general.  I love hanging out with my Grandma, and hearing her tell stories of busting caps in hater’s asses.  I just don’t like her driving.  If I had to make a choice between getting punched in the dick or riding in the car with Grandma then I would need some ice.

If by chance you are an old person who has stumbled your way onto the internet after randomly pressing buttons on “that damn machine”, and you have found your way to my site I welcome you.  I also will tell you to toss your keys in the toilet, and spend the last glory days of your life off the road.  Cars move to fast these days, so leave the driving to the kids.  You and your wrinkled old friends can save public transportation by just taking the subway, train, or bus.  Who else has nothing to do all day but wait on these things besides you and your friends?  Do us all the favor and stay off the roads.

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